Ryan McFadden

I finished Kari’s lingerie dresser. Well, I say it’s hers, but I plan on keeping lots of my useless crap in it. Just enough stuff to make her life difficult. Why? Because it’s my schtick.

Anyway, the picture isn’t all that great (stupid, stupid camera) but you get the idea. I do this not because it’s cheap (this probably cost $400 in materials…plus all my tools) but because I enjoy it and you get exactly what you want.

Next up…a couple of cherry bedside stands.

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There were no bats. This time, I was battling more creatures of the night. Creatures so vile, so wicked, that it took all of my bravery to stay and fight.

Tuesday night, time to take out the garbage. A task so banal that I can do it will dictating notes, or chatting on the phone. Hundreds of times it has proceeded without a hitch.

Not that night.

I opened the garage door. Heard the scurrying, then saw the scurrying. The first raccoon (we’ll call him ‘dad’ raccoon), well, his was a coward. Perhaps it was my girlie scream, but he actually ran over my feet to get away. Then momma raccoon. She kind of stuck around. Then decided better of it when she saw my broom.

Close call. Victory, however, was mine. Until I turned on the lights.

8 furballs. Each a little bigger than a kitten, and snorting away at me as they dove into the ruptured garbage bag. Mmmm, dirty diapers. Feast, little guys, feast.

Wait a minute…I’m not supposed to corner babies if a mom’s around. Except I saw her at the end of the driveway (160 feet away). Okay, so I have some time to play with. I’ll just open the other door, give them their escape route…and watch as they go back into the garage.

I chase one out, two more run back in. Damn, I think they’re multiplying now. Now, I’m beginning to get angry (well, kind of, sort of, annoyed). Do they not realize that I’m on TOP of the food chain? They are eating my kid’s crap, after all.

Look, how cute, one of the fluffs has run onto my chop saw. Hmmm, no, no, can’t do that (but now I know how Jeffery Dalmer got his start — raccoons probably took over his garage too…that is a slippery slope my friends — first raccoons, next prostitutes).

Okay, so don’t turn on the chop saw.

I’ll turn on the Jointer. It’s bigger, more powerful. And louder.

A quick flick of the switch (oops, forgot to plug it in — seriously, are these raccoons multiplying?)…another flick of the switch and the Jointer roars.

Fluff balls go running.

And it’s just me and the maggot infested garbage.

Yup, top of the food chain.

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This is one of those books that I somehow missed years ago. I had it on my shelf but I never got around to reading it. Which is strange, because you could almost argue that it redefined the adventure genre.

You probably know the story: man wakes up with no memory, finds out he’s a killer, but doesn’t know if he’s a good guy or a bad guy.

It’s a fun read. The plot is pretty convoluted at times…names dropped once are expected to be remembered 200 pages later. And some of the dialogue…a lot of people standing around talking sometimes.

But the story is great. And I think that’s why this book works so well. The story is tight, compelling, and moves very quickly.

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Books Reviews

My tour of the top murder spots of Canada continued this past weekend…

In January, it was Edmonton. This time, it was in Winnipeg (I’m assuming that my next trip will be to the old stomping grounds of Jane and Finch).

So my little writing retreat was in Winnipeg. Yes, I know many of you gave me good advice. Such as ‘don’t get mugged’, ‘watch out for the mosquitoes’, and ‘if the river floods, you’re on your own’.

But you know what? Winnipeg is actually beautiful. Seriously. There’s like trees and stuff. I had visions of York University (flat, nondescript bunkers…and that’s about it). Now, don’t worry. I made sure Bev kept our speed up and the doors were locked at all times so I can assure that this story doesn’t end with a mugging. (editors note: yes, I realize how stupid it would be for a guy who actually lived at Jane and Finch to be worried in a city like Winnipeg…but I think they’re all slightly crazy.)

I also noticed that Winnipeg has money. Was it the houses? Cars? Nope. Boob jobs. Which I appreciated.

Now I will say that the rest of Canada dislikes Ontario. Why? Because we’re like Americans and don’t pay attention to anyone else. Do you know that outside of Ontario they actually WATCH CBC? Seriously. I know, kind of scary.

But Winnipeg was a perfect example that this is merely human nature (ignoring the smaller guy, not watching CBC — that definitely isn’t natural). They have something called the Floodway…pretty much diverting water around Winnipeg when the rivers overflow…and yup, you guessed it…diverting the water on its way to flood smaller communities downstream (Guess they should’ve had their own floodway).

From Winnipeg, it was off to Victoria Beach. A beach. In the middle of the prairies. Cool. White sand beach actually. Of course, there were still ice bergs floating in the water (okay, I lied…global warming took care of them) but it was too cold to swim.

Luckily, the cottage had a hot tub. Which, when combined with Rum and Cokes, was quite nice.

As for mosquitoes…well, there were a few. As in millions. Once the door to the mini-van opened, it was us versus them. They pretty much won. I have bites on the bottoms of my feet. I have never seen so many mosquitoes…not even at the old cottage in North Bay. CRAZY. Still, I think I gave enough blood to support several generations of the little guys.

All in all, I give Winnipeg a big thumbs up (Another Editor’s note: this is a thumbs up for summer…I’m not going anywhere near that place in winter)

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Writing

One of the reasons for our Writers Retreat (other than sitting in a hot tub and drinking rum and cokes — well Rum and Caffeine-free diet pepsi) was to develop pitches for the World Fantasy Convention in November. When someone asks me ‘what’s your book about?’ I’d better be able to answer in about 10-15 seconds.

Curse of the Black Swan (formerly entitled Nathaniel) was always my most marketable book (the Nameless is better written…but I don’t know if I could find it a home). But I never had a pitch. It was tough to explain. It was this troubleshooter who does ‘stuff’.

But with help from Bev and Eileen, I finally developed the pitch. From this one line high concept, I can ‘accordian’ out to 20 minutes (in theory).

The problem was always that this novel wasn’t about the plot…it was about the character. So there wasn’t that ‘catch’ that my other books had. This one was about a quirky character, who is running from a past…living from job to job, until a woman he thought dead walked back into his life.

So here it is:

Nathaniel’s a troubleshooter taking jobs others can’t handle. Then he has to solve the biggest problem of all. Her name was Jane and he was in a world of trouble.

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Writing